On Regret: George Gray

I recall my first acting coach, Jan Savage, telling me that I should always have two contrasting monologues prepared; The opportunity for an audition could present itself at any time. One of those monologues was the story of George Gray from the "Spoon River Anthology" As the title implies, the story retells the last fractured statements from the deceased citizens of Spoon River. George Gray is given chance to speak up one last time. He was a man that spent his entire life in Spoon River and he regreted never leaving it's borders. Even in death, he takes the opportunity to share his dissapointment and acknowledges how his fears restrained him from his potential. I was in my freshman year as a Theatre Major when I first read this work from Edgar Lee Masters. I've clung to it ever since.

So, without further ado allow me to introduce you to George Gray:

I have studied many times the marble which was chiseled for me--
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination but my life.

For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail and catch the winds of destiny wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture of restlessness and vague desire--
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

(Spoon River Anthology -Edgar Lee Masters)